AGAIN

It was a battle won. Again.

My anxiety attack these past few days was probably the roughest that I have ever had. Well, there might be some rough days before but this was probably a memorable one because finally, I have accepted and I have recognized anxiety as a part of me.

It was surprising because it was hard – my heart was beating fast; my mind is overloaded. The support system that I supposedly have also had a hard time understanding what’s happening with me and chose to let me be and leave me with my thoughts rather than to hold my hand and hug me tight. It was all right with me because we were both new to these kinds of thing. But then, no worries, my faith is still intact that my support system will never leave me again, no matter what.

Medicine. I finally took one rather than to have another sleepless night again – third one in a row, if ever -, rather than to sob uncontrollably again. It was a decision that I desperately took because like every other person, I have arrived to the limit. I finally told myself, “Nope, you need something now to keep you going or tomorrow you’re going to be messed up again.”

I woke up with a light heart. I loved the fact that I am feeling myself again. I can laugh now. I can talk about something and think about something without tears in my eyes. I am ME, again. I don’t know if this is the right term to use because, really, I never lost myself along the way. But this is probably the easiest way that I can explain the episode that I had – to people who always tell me to “stop thinking too much.”, “you can avoid it”, “you worry too much”, etc.

I know it’s hard to be free from these but I have faith in myself. I can do it and if there’s another battle that will come, I am going to be winning it. Again.