WHAT HAPPENED?!

See that post before this one? Unfortunately, quite days are not for long…

It has been a long time since I sat down and ponder my thoughts and put it into words. It has been a long time since I became quietly inspired writing again about my life. I had the time to read all my posts in this blog today and I am confused of what happened to me. It started out as a positive one – full of life and contentment, living life and loving it. What the hell just happened to me?.

2017. I was hoping it was a great time to start again since the first quarter of 2016 was quite shitty and blurry at the same time. But then, hey, look at me, first quarter of 2017 and just totally feeling like I am a fish at the bottom of the deep blue sea and come to think of it, drowning and lost, too. I suddenly felt down and too sad whenever I ready myself to sleep. I don’t want to think too much of it but unfortunately, I am. I can’t help it. I just can’t. My first instinct was to run, go home (and I mean, home as in the Philippines), sleep. I know that this isn’t the best solution of what I am dealing with right now but then again, I feel like I must. A lot of people will be affected if I do it. I am imagining now the many things that they will be saying to me if I do it. “Why are you taking the coward’s way out?” “You are so full of yourself.” “What about your job?” “What about your mother if you lose your job?” “Quitters never win, you know!” etc.…etc.…

Believe it or not, I want to be okay. I want to be like the many out there that are so positive all the time and always have clear minds and worrying is so out of their vocabulary. I want to be happy in life like I was months before – quite contented and living life. What happened all this time? It’s so frustrating. And agonizing to know that my mind is so muddled. I want to rest. I want to be free of worry. I just need some time off. I want to discover what happened all this time. Really. I need help – probably.